I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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