Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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