I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
