I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
