maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
