Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
