porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
