i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
