there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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