So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
