in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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