Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
