Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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