Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
