Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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