yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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