Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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