I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
