im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The uberlube is also flammable
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
