You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
