Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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