Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
