I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
