I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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