Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
