I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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