im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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