nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
