Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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