Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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