Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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