Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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