I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
