am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
