This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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