There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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