Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
