You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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