just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
