Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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