My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
