are you still at the devil's house?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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