Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
