I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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