My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
