she was so not down for the gang bang
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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