Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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