So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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