Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
