I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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