I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
