Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
