im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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