I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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